一叶知秋

Fanfic存档
白花叶绿 幽兰春芳
吾心安处 中土为乡
官配/AL/密林父子亲情向
近期沉迷黑魔法组拉郎

【AT】Obliteration

近期爬墙Adventure Time的产物【其实早就入坑了,上个月更新又重温了一波

并没有剧情的纯脑补,就不打tag了,能看出来是谁跟谁算我输……


Here I am, standing at the fringe of my destruction, one step near the doorway of hell. Oh, I almost forgot…there is no hell for me, or death would be far too pleasant an end. What I must now pay for all the wrongs I’ve done is way beyond the simple description of ‘hell’. It is obliteration.


Ah, yes, obliteration. Obliteration in flames! Given the knowledge on how keen a passion for fire I harbour and how longingly I yearn to burn everything down to the ground, it may sound surprising that I’m actually afraid to the bone of such an end. Enjoying waves of heat swamping towards your face and having licks of flame biting at your flesh are totally different things. And to try to imagine the look of all that is left of yourself after the torture? I’ve seen many enough a dreadful remain to depict that in my little brain, only with more vivid details added to the scent and touch. But simply that is neither enough. What follows then is the best climax of the drama. 


In a flash, you’d be gone. Erased from memories, crossed out from records. Simply non-existent any more, and has never ever existed before. When they hear your name they’d look up confused, as if some tiny trickle of recognition were triggered deep down in the locked vault of their mind…but no, the next second such unfamiliar connection is broken, and that faint strand of hope is blown away from within the grasp. ‘Who is that?’ they’d ask. ‘Is that name supposed to mean anything to me?’ Because of course it isn’t. Names are just codes. Once they’re expired, no longer frequently mentioned to ears, they come near to their death. Just as I to mine.


One fortunate thing, or perhaps the most unfortunate, I still own the capability of thought, even just for these trivially transient milliseconds before I go. And no matter how hard I try, believe me, I tried, to stop these lively little cells from focusing on their soon-to-come state of everlasting death, they keep carrying through the opposite of my will to the last microsecond. They just wouldn’t let me go.


Argh! Why can’t I just go in peace? Since RIP is all the option that is left for me? Why do I have to tangle myself with troubling thoughts, as if I had not enough trouble at hand? This body would never listen. It never has, and from the look of this, it probably never will.


The thing is, even if given another chance, another time, I know perfectly well the end of the story would just turn out to be the exactly same. It’s not to say that I regret not a single choice on the course of my deeds — that would be the most hilariously blind lie, considering the fact that I desire no haste of perishing thoroughly in flames. No no no, what I’m saying is, just as I mentioned, when it comes to emotional entanglements, your brain can always manage to find a way to surprise at you how foolish you are assuming its loyalty and trusting its functioning.


Sometimes the ones we’ve loved for a long time turns out a jerk, but after a short time we forget it again.


What can I say? Lessons are created to be learned, not to be applied to action.


Is there anything I regret not doing in this world? Anything I regret having done? Hundreds. Thousands. Millions. Billions. Trillions. All the drops in the sea can never count them out, all the grains on the ground can never note their figure, the whole Land of Ooo is not enough to fill them in. But still, even if there is only one drop signifying the thing I felt having done right, only one grain reminding me of the unforgettable content and immeasurable happiness, the whole Ooo would never sweep up my pride in doing all those foolish wrongs and this one single right. It is that single joyful point that makes you feel worth all the painful rest.


And that is the moment his lips touched mine. That is the moment his arms closed me in. That is the moment I gazed into his dazzling eye and saw within bottomless darkness enough to drown me to death a thousand times. That is the moment I realized there is no escape from the maze of fate, no back-out before the gateway of doom. Everything’s written in the stars, or to put in a less abstruse way, everything’s meant to be the way it now becomes.


In all these random uncertainty of alternatives, what is the key factor that leads to the step where we are now? After all my years of observation and speculation, the answer is more than simple: there is none. Every smallest act, every most insignificant detail, every decision made at unconsciousness before the fork of the path of life, adds up to who you are today. They are what you’re made of. And to change a single factor means diminishing the whole existence of the very you. 


And I will not allow that.


No matter who you are, no matter what you say, no matter which alternative universe you come from and what lesson you’ve drawn from all your experience of failures and setbacks, I am who I am. Since changing the course of time means the irreversible destruction of all that make up the person I am, facing obliteration may as well be a choice not so bad.


Call me a fool. Call me demon. Call me hopeless dumb-dweeb, milady. For that is exactly who I am. And that is exactly who I intent to insist on being, or no one at all.


Today I seek no remembrance, no reverse, no redemption. Blame my end not on anyone’s name. I seek extermination myself. I seek obliteration. I seek this end.


See there? Are you finally sparkling, the end of my journey?

Que tu brilles enfin, terme pur de ma course?


For I embrace thee.

Parce-que je vous embrasse.


——————


How can I live without you?

Do not leave.

Do not change.

Do not die.

期待又害怕的大结局啊……真是种煎熬……

千万要好好的啊。

【另有一篇中篇等结局出来再发

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